A new shovel-ready project, Halls Astronomical Intercontinental Railroad, kicks off today in Tennessee. The project will bring the world’s largest railway system into place, offering one-way service from Halls, TN to Tanzania. A timeframe for project completion has not been announced, but at least four “good-sized” men with shovels are working as fast as they…
Month: September 2011
World Beard & Mustache Championship tainted by Latisse doping
The 2011 World Beard & Mustache Championships were brought to a hair raising halt. There was alleged Latisse doping from the United States Team, based in Knoxville. Officials noticed the telltale signs of Latisse doping in the Tennessee based team, such as discolored lips, thicker than normal beards and mustaches, and rotting teeth. “The use…
Tim Burchett bans those with past DUI’s from visiting AutoZone or NAPA
After receiving media attention and successfully having one sex offender arrested for attempting to read, Tim Burchett has now created a new set of rules to bar those with past transgressions from public places. According to the Mayor’s office, “Those with DUI’s are not to visit AutoZone or NAPA. Both of these locations stock cup-holders…
Professional shuffleboard comes to Knoxville, with the Knoxville Drift
Joining the recently announced Knoxville Nighthawks indoor football team is the Knoxville Drift. The Drift is part of the International Shuffleboard Association (ISA). The Drift will share the Knoxville Convention Center as their home arena with the Nighthawks, alternating nights. Shuffleboard has been growing in popularity with the increasing number of baby boomers. The low…
Mix-up leads Sarah Palin to Tennessee Valley Farms
After weeks of hoopla surrounding Sarah Palin’s planned visit to Tennessee, a simple mix-up led her in the wrong direction. Expected at the Tennessee Valley Fair, she showed up today at Tennessee Valley Farms. Although she was unable to meet with supporters, she still had the opportunity to have animals lick her hands, so she…
Witnesses spot Sarah Palin blowing smoke on Market Square
This is a special news alert!  Several witnesses contacted our tip hotline today to report seeing Sarah Palin on Market Square earlier this morning. She wandered through Krutch Park and admired the other sculptures. She was overheard blowing smoke about this evening’s scheduled stop at the Tennessee Valley Fair.
The Gold Man planning his own “Swagfest”
Hoping to cash in on the meme scheme, Knoxville’s Gold Man, who likes to remain anonymous, is planning his own “Goldfest,” to also be held at the Sunsphere and Convention Center. The date has yet to be determined. The Gold Man, made (locally) famous by his Brimily’s Gold Exchange commercials, feels he should be at…
With record numbers on food stamps, Obama announces a plan
“I’ve tried food stamps, and I understand all the complaints about the number of Americans receiving them, they taste awful,” states President Obama. “That’s why we’re moving the country’s best scientists to a secure location to work on a way to make food stamps taste better…and hopefully not stick to the roof of your mouth.”
Palin promises big announcement at Tennessee Valley Fair, bringing Color Me Badd
As announced earlier, Sarah Palin plans to take the stage at the Tennessee Valley Fair on September 16. Her visit has been met with a bit of controversy because it forces the cancellation of a planned concert by Boyz II Men. Today, we received notice that a big announcement can be expected that night, and…
Knoxville Fire Fighters now fighting on another front
The threat of fire, smoke, and burning buildings is a cakewalk compared to the latest threat that faces local firefighters. While routinely investigating abandoned buildings for fire hazards, fire fighters encountered a tiny foe – fleas. It was not until they had exited the building that the tiny pests were noticed. “They were all over…
Sign of the times, local Merry Maids rebrands as UnMerry Maids
Owners say it’s just a sign of the times, a way to fit the needs of a modern world. The Knoxville franchise of Merry Maids is undergoing a rebranding to a more suitable ‘UnMerry Maids’ philosophy. “It’s pretty simple. In today’s economy, those that can afford help, don’t want to talk to the help,” explains…
UT Knoxville dedicates new College of Pharmacy building
The University of Tennessee dedicated the new College of Pharmacy building, located at 4624 Rutledge Pike today. What was thought to be a Police escort for the UT President who was speaking at the event, was actually a drug bust. Turns out students were selling illegally brewed drugs out of the new building. When interviewed,…
Knoxville women’s group enters 20th century, ponders the 21st
It’s making news that the Knoxville Entrepreneurial Women’s Group is allowing men to attend a special event. Gaining this special attention has led some of the women to realize that segregation may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. According to one of the organization representatives, “We’re going to even consider letting the…
Pigeon Forge going to all outdoor restaurants
Pigeon Forge City Commissioners voted last month to allow beer outside with the proper permits. This marks the first time that beer has been allowed to be served. With this new policy set in place, restaurants are moving to all outdoor seating. “We figure that the profits from the beer sales will make up for…
Knoxville smugglers foiled by Boomsday
A small boat was seen floating down the Tennessee River trying to dock near Calhoun’s on the River, during Boomsday 2011. When the men on the boat saw the crowds that had gathered to watch the fireworks, they immediately tried to go back upstream, tossing packages overboard. It is believed that the men were smuggling…