Anti-Stupid People Society (ASPS)


There is a new organization in Knoxville that is dedicated to shining light on stupidity in the Knoxville area. The organization was started by M.R. Ducks, a retired Marine Corps Colonel.

After retiring from the Marine Corps in June of 2001 Mr. Ducks retuned to his home town of Knoxville Tennessee. ?I was just amazed at the number of stupid laws, rules and yes even people here in East Tennessee? Col. Ducks said.

?We don?t have anything against ignorance, and as a matter of fact we are all for it. What we do have a problem with is stupidity.? Col. Ducks said. ?Ignorance we can deal with through education, drugs and shock therapy.? These are just some of the techniques ASPS use in their free seminars offered all round Knoxville on the weekends. ?Stupidity, on the other hand, well, there is just no cure for that.?

When asked to give some examples of things ASPS have a problem with, Col. Ducks responded with: ?Take seat belt laws for example. Why do we have them? If someone is stupid enough to ride around without a seat belt, then they deserve what they get when they crash.? Additionally, ?If someone is stupid enough to ride around without a seat belt on, then their insurance company should not have to pay any medical bills for that individual.?

?The way we see it, it?s a win-win situation.? The Colonel said. ?First, the collective quality of the gene pool in the Knoxville area is improved each time a stupid person is involved in a crash. Second, the less money automobile insurance companies have to pay out means lower insurance premiums for the rest of us.

One program ASPS finding growing support for is a special license plate for cars, similar to vanity tags that will identify stupid drivers as such. ?This is a program where a police officer will pull over anyone who reads, applies makeup, or talks on a cell phone? Col. Ducks said. ?Instead of issuing a ticket for distracted driving, a citation will be issued and the driver must apply for the Stupid Tag?.

Evidently, ASPS has struck a cord with many people in the Knoxville area. ASPS has seen its numbers grow three fold in the past 18 months to a total of 36 members. To ensure the level of competence of its members, each person wishing to join ASPS must take a test to determine their Stupidity Quotient (SQ). Anyone with an SQ above 70 is considered officially stupid and is denied acceptance.

Col. Ducks said ?Anyone that is for stupidity in East Tennessee can just kiss our ASPS.?


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