BIGASS Announces ET Tournament

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The Beer-Drinkers’ Invitational Good-Ol’-Boys Ammurkin (sic) Surf Sensation (BIGASS) has announced plans to hold its lakefront tournament for the summer of 2003 at the Melton Hill Dam area in Anderson County.

President Artemis Q. “Harley” Wainwright IV was quoted as saying that, “The good people and their enthusiasm for similar events – such as WWF Smackdowns – are what drew us to the location. That and the liberal number of churches and beer outlets. God, beer, family and surfing; that’s our motto.”

Scheduled entertainment includes The Good Ol’ Beach Boys, a group that fuses country and California surf music.

BIGASS is known for its lake water surfing events such as the “Keg Surf” – wherein participants must compete while balancing a pony keg on their shoulders – and the “Post Keg Surf” – requiring competitors to prove their prowess after consuming the pony keg.

According to President Wainwright, the organization is in negotiations with Georgia engineers (who will provide the wave machinery) and Philadelphia lawyers (who will protect BIGASS from the inevitable lawsuits) so that preparations may begin in earnest. The event is scheduled for the weekend of June 20th through 22nd, 2003.