“Darter Boy” shown while playing
near Tellico Dam.

While searching the region for a potential suicide victim, a fantastic discovery has been made near the Tellico Dam. A boy, estimated age 12, has apparently been raised by snail darters since being abandoned as an infant. Although he is unable to speak clearly and must constantly remain in motion to keep oxygen flowing he has shown signs of embracing the humans that found him. In what can only be described as a touching display of emotion he greeted the doctors at Baptist Hospital by trying to cover them in a thin layer of eggs. Although the future of “Darter Boy” is uncertain, rumors are circulating that he may soon be seen touring with Howard Dean.