Currently viewing the category: "Election"

Romney has surprise up sleeve

On January 31, 2012 By

Anonymous sources have confirmed that, if chosen as the Republican nominee for President, Mitt Romney will name Hillary Clinton as his VP running mate.  “The implications of this move are astounding,” explained Republican strategist Burt Elefante.  In order to secure Ms. Clinton on the ticket, Romney had to promise there was at least an 80% [...]

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Mix-up leads Sarah Palin to Tennessee Valley Farms

On September 16, 2011 By

After weeks of hoopla surrounding Sarah Palin’s planned visit to Tennessee, a simple mix-up led her in the wrong direction. Expected at the Tennessee Valley Fair, she showed up today at Tennessee Valley Farms. Although she was unable to meet with supporters, she still had the opportunity to have animals lick her hands, so she [...]

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Palin promises big announcement at Tennessee Valley Fair, bringing Color Me Badd

On September 13, 2011 By

As announced earlier, Sarah Palin plans to take the stage at the Tennessee Valley Fair on September 16. Her visit has been met with a bit of controversy because it forces the cancellation of a planned concert by Boyz II Men.

Today, we received notice that a big announcement can be expected that [...]

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Palin announces visit to Tennessee Valley Fair, replaces Boyz II Men

On August 13, 2011 By

With a better-than-expected reception at the Iowa State Fair, Sarah Palin has announced plans to visit fairs across the United States as the summer winds down. Palin denied speculation that the state fair tour was a precursor to a Presidential campaign, “That’s ridiculous,” Palin said. “I just like it when all the farm animals lick [...]

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“Rent Is Too Damn High” guy wins Knoxville mayoral debate

On July 29, 2011 By

After relocating to Knoxville from New York, reportedly due to the rent being too damn high, former New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan decided late Thursday to run for mayor of Knoxville. “I heard about the debate, and decided I’d throw in my voice,” he explained. “There are lots of things in Knoxville that are [...]

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Hillary Clinton vows to campaign through 2010

On May 27, 2008 By

Just last week, Hillary Clinton sited the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as a reason to stay in the race. Over the weekend, during a lull in campaigning activities, Hillary had an opportunity to see “I Am Legend” with Will Smith and realized that the death of her opponent isn’t the only thing she can [...]

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Dream Ticket coming soon to a ballot near you?

On May 13, 2008 By

There has been much speculation as to whether the Democrats will assemble a Dream Ticket consisting of Obama for President and Clinton for Vice-President. Roving Knoxpatch reporters have uncovered a far more interesting rumor, a rumor so fresh it hasn’t even received Flashing Siren treatment on the Drudge Report.

Insiders close to both candidates have [...]

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