Desperate Republicans to resurrect candidates

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In a desperate attempt to become relevant for the 2008 presidential elections, some Republican strategists are scrambling to resurrect important dead historical Republican figures. Among the soon-to-be-living are Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan. “We just can’t get a break,” explained one strategist on condition of anonymity, “the Democrat candidates are hogging all the news stories, and all we have so far are a bunch of useless presidential wannabes without a shot in Hell at getting elected. We have to do something!” Experts suggest that these Republican operatives have their work cut out for them. “This has never been tried before, outside of Transylvania of course,” said noted skeptic Howard Judd, “but if they succeed, they will surely take some of the limelight away from Hillary and Obama.”