Eighties bands come out of woodwork to protest new nuclear reactors

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When TVA recently announced they were planning to place the first new mPower reactors at the Clinch River site near Oak Ridge, they never expected protesters to organize so quickly. Within three hours of the announcements, groups of old guys with big hair and black leather assembled near the proposed location, holding “No Nukes” signs and looking very serious. When approached, the group sent out Bob Geldof as their official spokesperson. He said that not only were Boomtown Rats present, but Modern English, Ultravox, Midnight Oil, Lene Lovich, and Nena were all on hand to protest. “We’re expecting Bono any minute,” explained Geldof, “Gary Numan flew out to get him from the White House. Gary flew us all here, actually. This has nothing to do with our relevance, or trying to get press for our music,” he continued, ” which is all out of print anyway. This is about ‘no nukes.'” When asked to explain his stance, he repeated the phrase “No Nukes,” and encouraged the other 80’s artists to chant along with him.

A TVA spokesperson just chuckled and walked away when asked for comment.