Great pumpkin seen in leaf fire


While Catholics the world over are celebrating the spectacle of Pope John Paul II waving from beyond the grave in flames of a brush fire, farmer Bubba C. Gaines swears he saw the Great Pumpkin rising from his recent leaf fire. Experts say the photo he snapped with his iPhone is inconclusive, but pumpkin-o-philes are convinced of its authenticity. According to Gaines, he was burning leaves Sunday evening when the Great Pumpkin appeared. “I didn’t right know what to do,” he explained. “So I grabbed this here iPhone and snapped a picture. Didn’t really think nobody’d believe me otherwise. It was weird, man. He just floated there and gave me this weird look. After I took his picture, he snorted and flew off.”

Great PumpkinBelievers in the Great Pumpkin have begun their pilgrimage to his field, the location of which was once disclosed, then undisclosed, then redisclosed. “I had to take my website down,” explained Gaines. “Too many damn weirdo hippies were showing up in my field. But then I realized I could charge admission, so I put the site back up.” Changes in disclosure status and the $20 admission fee has not slowed down the flow of those hoping to glimpse the site where the Great Pumpkin was said to appear.

“Man, I had to come. Not only to witness this event, but to get my souvenir glossy photo and coffee mug,” explained believer Paul Bass. “The mixture of marketing, religious iconography, and my belief in the supernatural is way too much for my will to resist.” The other 10 pilgrims in attendance had much the same attitude.

Others are not convinced. “He’s just full of it. I saw him out there trying to throw a flaming pumpkin, and time his camera to go off at the right moment. He’s been out there every night this week,” explained an anonymous neighbor. “I think he’s just doing it to sell pumpkins.”

Whether it is real or not, everyone agrees that this is the most significant event to happen lately for believers in the Great Pumpkin. “Man, you know, stuff like this just doesn’t happen often. And I have to believe, you just have to believe,” said Bass.