Knoxville man ejected from Promise Keepers for being introverted

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Promise Keepers, one of the more noble movements since the Spanish Inquisition, have forced the resignation of Knoxville native, Cornelius Short. Mr. Short had been a member since July 3rd, 2001 and on review since December 2001.

Promise Keepers is dedicated to igniting and uniting men to be passionate followers of Jesus Christ through the effective communication of the 7 Promises. The 7 Promises, as listed at www.promisekeepers.org, are as follows:
1. A Promise Keeper is committed to honoring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Holy Spirit.
2. A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.
3. A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.
4. A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection and biblical values.
5. A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honoring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
6. A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.
7. A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:19-20 ).

“I very much agree with the teachings and ideology of the Promise Keepers. I have tried very hard to keep the 7 Promises and would change things if I could. The problem is, I’m just not very likable. I kept six of the promises, I really did. But that darn 2nd Promise couldn’t be overcome.” said Mr. Short in his first interview regarding the subject.

It appears that Mr. Short simply lacked the social skills to develop vital relationships with other men. Our research shows that he was a loner throughout school until he finally dropped out, and has never had any acquaintances that would go on record as a ‘close friend.’

Martin Crane, Grand Pooba of Promise Keepers, issued a simple statement regarding this turn of events. “Promise number 2 is very important. It’s not number two for nothing, these things are in order of importance. Mr. Short needed brothers to help him keep his promises, it’s obvious that men can only do so when gathered together in a large group. If he couldn’t make friends he should have joined some other group.”