Local marketing firm wins WHO account for bird flu

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The World Health Organization has selected Knoxville-based Asen Marketing and Advertising to promote the positive attributes of the quickly spreading bird flu.

According to representatives of Asen, “If the bird flue evolves to easily spread among humans, the general public is likely to focus on the bad aspects of the disease, while completely overlooking the positive impacts. Those positives are where we’ll target our efforts.”

A draft flyer, entitled ‘Your Friend the Bird Flu,’ obtained by Knoxpatch reporters includes the following uplifting thoughts:

  • it takes the focus off the war in Iraq
  • fewer people means easier parking and less congestion on the roads
  • you’ll get less bird dookie on your car
  • it’s more likely to kill the elderly
  • early deaths will balance out the social security administration budget
  • the bodies are needed for making Soylent Green anyway