Mexicans dig wormhole to Knoxville

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In a new development, U.S. border patrol agents are baffled by a rare wormhole they have found dug under the U.S.-Mexico border fence. The wormhole was discovered by agents patrolling the Arizona border early Thursday in the Coronado National Forest. Reports say it was covered by brush, but agents spotted flashes of light coming from the forest floor that led them to the wormhole. Upon uncovering the hole, they found a swirling mass of clouds and light.

More agents, described by witnesses as “men in black,” sent a robotic probe through the wormhole, which returned grainy photographs of a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant. After determining passage was safe, the agents discovered that the wormhole led directly to a Kentucky Fried Chicken buffet line at the Farragut store located in Knoxville, TN. Due to the large number of Mexicans in the restaurant, it was determined coyotes were using the wormhole to smuggle Mexicans directly into East Tennessee, bypassing the rigors of difficult, regular travel.

The wormhole dug by Mexicans leading to Knoxville, TNBo Bugle was dining in the restaurant when the robotic probe first came through. “I was waiting patiently for the Mexicans to clear out, so I could get thirds, when I noticed a robot in line. I knew something was wrong, because robots don’t eat, right? That does explain a lot though, I knew I didn’t see any landscaping or construction vehicles outside, and there were a ton of Mexicans eating chicken,” he explained.

A spokesperson for Homeland Security told reporters that the 300 yards of fence already erected to protect the borders have put a pinch on the coyotes and they are beginning to use disturbing tactics to get the illegal aliens across the border. “Imagine how bad it will be if we ever get, say, a whole MILE of fence erected? We’ll have our work cut out for us,” he explained. According to the spokesperson, wormholes have been spotted before in the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region just after “high profile targets” vanished, but that the public should not be alarmed.

The wormhole was promptly closed, and sales are way down at the KFC.

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