More products behind pharmacy counters


Even though shoppers and pharmacists alike have yet to get used to the inconvenience of having to obtain cold remedies from behind the counter, recent legislation will require other, potentially dangerous products to be stored and distributed from the pharmacy department as well.

There has been a recent trend where people, whose family tree tends to be more of a straight line, or who come from the skimmer box in the genetic swimming pool, like to use cold remedies to create the drug meth. Some of these people die in explosions, however not enough of them do, and many have lived long enough to create a problem for the rest of us. As a result, innocent afflicted customers must now show a photo identification and sign a sheet of paper at the pharmacy to obtain cold or allergy remedies. This creates a headache for all involved, where overworked pharmacy techs must deal with customers who are already annoyed due to their cold or allergy symptons.

Recent studies have indicated that products other than cold remedies could also be used to produce explosions. Some of these include fertilizer, baked beans, and hydrogen peroxide. Due to the potential for hazards, these items have been moved behind the pharmacy counter.

“Damn,” exclaimed customer Eddie Alter upon finding out he could only buy two bags of fertilizer instead of the three he needed.

The pharmacy tech who was helping Alter, Ronnie Bishop, said he hears that a lot. “People coming in for fertilizer or baked beans just can’t understand why they have to go through all this just to do some gardening or have a picnic,” Bishop explained. “What I can’t figure out is why I’m suddenly up to my elbows in shi…er…fertilizer,” he said.

Tennessee ATF agents have been known to drop in to stores such as Home Depot, who do not traditionally have a pharmacy, to make sure they are in compliance. Lowe’s manager Geoff Gentry said the company struggled with how a pharmacy would fit into their current retail structure, and decided that the entire lawn and garden department would come under the control of licensed pharmacy techs. “Well, since we had to control the distribution of fertilizer, we might as well control distribution of everything else too, just in case,” Gentry explained. “So we cross trained our lawn and garden reps and now customers can stop by and not only get their Viagra prescription refilled, who happens to be one of our NASCAR opponents, but they can also get fertilizer, but only two bags per day.”

The current list of items that can cause explosions and are now sold only through pharmacies include:

  1. Fertilizer
  2. Baked beans
  3. Hydrogen peroxide
  4. Sudafed
  5. Gunpowder
  6. Gasoline and Palmolive (only when bought together)
  7. Silly putty
  8. Right Guard
  9. Canned whipped cream
  10. Detonators