Burger King is rolling out a new program for home delivery. “We have new technology that will keep your burger and fries warm while being delivered,” states the King.
Folks are asking why Tennessee? “Tennessee has our largest target demographic, closest to our locations,” says the King, “With only a 10 mile delivery area, we [...]
Continue Reading →Oak Ridge officials claim the closure of Sears in the Oak Ridge Mall is just the silver lining in a cloud they’ve been looking for. “Our long-term plan for the space has been to create the world’s largest climate controlled storage facility,” explains Mark Watson, Oak Ridge City Manager. “We have an aging population, and [...]
Continue Reading →In our ongoing effort to dumb down our children, state lawmakers have introduced legislation to change the cut-off date to enter kindergarten. Under current state law, the child has to turn five by September 30 in order to enter kindergarten. If passed, the new bill will introduce the following changes:
The child must turn eight [...]
Continue Reading →Former Judge, Richard Baumgartner, is planning to make the most of the pension he’s receiving from his time and good deeds on the bench. “I’m not ready to retire, I want to continue to be an active part of this community,” stated Baumgartner. “Therefore, I’m reinvesting my pension funds to open a new pain clinic [...]
Continue Reading →Officials at Fisher Price have recalled the popular child’s toy, sing-a-ma-jig after Knox County officers found hundreds of these toys at a local pedophile hang out. When unnamed sources were questioned as to why this particular toy, they answered with, “Isn’t it obvious? You can use it to lure in kids and when you [...]
Continue Reading →On the heels of The Duggar’s latest announcement, that Michelle is pregnant with baby #20, they have announced that it’s really babies number 20 – 27. She’s pregnant with octuplets. Plans to adopt triplets from China are in the works. The show is to be renamed ’19 kids and I quit counting’ will air this [...]
Continue Reading →Knoxvillians are proud to be named the cleanest city in the US based on an Alice.com tally on how much the average american spent per year on cleaning products. Too bad that many of the cleaning supplies that were purchased were used in the production of crystal meth. Does it still count if it’s cleaning [...]
Continue Reading →Tried WOW massage today. Now I now why it’s called WOW. It’s not a good wow, it’s more of an are you serious wow. I walked in to both employees playing with the waterfall in the lobby, it was apparently quite the toy as it kept them occupied until I reached the front desk.
My [...]
Continue Reading →The 39 year old Knoxville woman turned herself in to the Knoxville Police Department after watching new show ‘Person of Interest’. The unnamed woman was quoted as saying, “I watched the show and new that I was in trouble. They were going to catch me anyway. I thought that they would go easier on me [...]
Continue Reading →In a unique court case, Fate has filed suit against Stephen A. Burroughs. Claiming that Mr. Burroughs has utilized more than his allotted 15 minutes of fame, Fate demands that he spend the remainder of his life in obscurity. Mr. Burroughs would not comment on the case, but did offer to pose for pictures.
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