Mary Sue Avogadro, self-titled â€˜most trusted source for news in the United States’, has unleashed a startling story. Luckily, thanks to her insightful newsgathering, we are able to bring you the news before it happens â€“ allowing you ample time to prepare.
According to Mary Sue, Knoxville will be hit by a catastrophic potato famine in 2003. â€œAs it happened with the Irish farmland, it will happen with Knoxville. It will begin with a blight of the potato crop. As harvests across Knoxville fail, the price of food will soar. Subsistence-level farmers will find their food stores rotting in their cellars, the crops they rely on to pay the rent to their landlords will be destroyed. Peasants who eat the rotten produce will become sickened and entire villages will be consumed with cholera and typhus. Parish priests desperate to provide for their congregations will be forced to forsake buying coffins in order to feed starving families, with the dead going unburied or buried only in the clothes they wore when they died.â€
By breaking this news in advance we at Knoxpatch.com hope that Knoxville residents will stock up on canned foods and nuts throughout the winter to ease the burden on crops throughout 2003.