Richard Simmons â€“ noted exercise guru and perennial guest on The Late Show with David Letterman â€“ has decided to call his day in the national spotlight to a close. He has further stated that Rhea County, Tennessee will be his new home in his golden years.
When asked why he chose that particular venue, Simmons stated, â€œWell, first off, I’ve heard that part of the country is the fattest there is, so I thought I might open a local spa to help out the fine citizens. I also hear they don’t care much for Harley-Davidson people, and I can certainly relate to that. Last, but not least, they had that monkey thing there, you know, and I just think monkeys are precious, don’t you?â€
When asked his opinion of the breaking news, one Rhea County resident replied, â€œWho? Oh, you mean the fairy in the fancy shorts? Shore, he’s welcome to dance down Main Street fer two or three seconds!â€