Spirit of Ted Kennedy to make speech


The spirit of late Senator Ted Kennedy is set to make a speech in front of a joint legislative meeting when congress returns from recess. The speech is rumored to include how it was his dying wish to see healthcare reform passed by the end of the year. No one is certain what happens next year if no healthcare reform is passed, but he is not going to address that in his speech since it detracts from his point. He is going to stress how important it is for everyone to invoke his name whenever possible to detract from the fact that nobody has actually even read any of the draft bills and nobody knows what is in any of them. “Reform is reform, and any change is good” he is expected to say. He is also expected to threaten to haunt so-called “blue dog Democrats” if they do not agree to vote for reform, going so far as to include threats that he will get drunk and drive them off a bridge, because “I can get away with it.”