Late last night, drivers on Clinton Highway and Edgemore Road in Claxton reported seeing a UFO hovering over a trailer park abducting residents. The residents appeared to be waiting in line, and many of them held signs asking to become part of “The 4400,” a reference to a popular television show about alien abductees returning with special purposes.
Egbert Jangle, a resident of the trailer park who did not wish to be abducted due to his fear of anal probes, said half the neighborhood was reported missing the next morning. “We seen ’em all lined up out there, ya know, waiting to be beamed up or whatever. They just vanished, poof, right up in the sky. But I stayed inside. They ain’t gettin’ me again,” he said, “Nosiree.”
At about 2 in the morning, Mark Parton was driving his red 1998 Honda Civic down Edgemore Road when he witnessed the event. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” he explained. “I pulled to the side and ran up into the park. They were beaming people right and left. I tried to go, but they were making people show proof of residency, and I didn’t live there. We never get UFO’s flying over our Saddlebrook neighborhood,” he mused.
It is not certain where the residents were taken, but this morning, local reporters were escorted out of the park by men dressed in black suits and dark sunglasses. Witnesses were whisked away in black Ford sedans, and the park was enclosed in a giant plastic bubble. This reporter barely escaped.
Mass abductions like this one are not very common, although a similar incident happened in 1997 at a trailer park in Greenback. That event was officially blamed on swamp gas, but locals are not convinced. “It had to be the same aliens,” said a resident of the Greenback park who did not want to be named. “They must have found a good thing and wanted some more.”
Whatever happened, nobody is talking now. Oh no! Here comes a guy in a black sui