United States launches preemptive terror attack on self

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To make the point that the United States is not afraid of terrorist activity, the United States Government has launched a terror attack on itself.

In order to maximize the effectiveness of the attack the Terror Alert was lowered to green (“low”) immediately prior to the activity. Soon after, a stealth bomber entered New York City airspace and dropped an approximated 1,000,000 pamphlets supporting a Presidential bid for Hillary Clinton.

Needless to say, the fear and discomfort of those reading the pamphlets caused greater panic than any simple explosion or threat of anthrax. The cost of the attack is unknown but it is expected that the attack will spur the city economy due to a need for therapy from those affected.

It is believed that by showing our lack of fear and attacking ourselves, we will prove to outsiders that they have nothing to gain from making threats. We have the power to do far worse things to ourselves than they could ever imagine, and we aren’t afraid to do it.