Wear a mask. Don't be selfish.

If you are tired of feeling selfish about your reaction to the virus, or anything else for that matter, we can confirm that wearing a mask is the best way to stop feeling or being selfish. If you cover your face with an uncomfortable piece of cloth, not only will you not be protected whatsoever from either expelling or inhaling virus particles, but you will experience a form of levity known only to those that enjoy being seen doing something.

As we all know, standard face masks, especially the homemade variety, are shown to stop only the largest spit, sneeze, or cough particles from leaving your facial area. In effect, you are prevented from spitting on anybody while wearing one. However, by wearing one and not being selfish, you give your neighbors comfort knowing that you complied and that you don’t want to kill any old or frightened people. And rest assured, nobody will post about your selfishness in community groups on Facebook because you wore a mask.

After intensive research, we discovered that there are other ways you can stop being selfish:

  • You can stop driving cars. Driving a car could easily kill another person. Only selfish people drive cars.
  • Buying stuff is bad. Many times, people are killed while delivering goods to stores.
  • Owning anything produced in a factory is selfish. According to OSHA, some people have died on the job at manufacturing facilities. By owning a factory-produced item, you are encouraging on the job deaths.
  • Please stay away from airplanes. You might be present when one crashes and kills people, and although you might not be responsible, you could have been.

By simply wearing a mask, following these simple rules, and thinking outside the box, you can stop being selfish. Only you can help win this ambiguous war against the unseen COVID-19 enemy, and only you can do stuff to help you feel better about yourself.