Campaign finance reform excludes high school class presidents

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Arthur Denton filed a lawsuit against his opponent, Mervin Smegley, in the recent Powell High School Sophomore class elections. Denton claimed that Smegley received illegal campaign contributions from various special interest groups around the school.

The suit claimed that groups such as the PHS Rifle Association had sold Blow Pops and Snickers and then used the money to hang posters around the school. The posters all gave reasons why Denton would make a bad president, and related incidents where he had lashed out at fellow classmates. One group, the Future Corporate Raiders of America, even blamed Denton for increased rates on Brown Cows in the cafeteria.

With all the bad publicity, and no money or forum with which to retort, Denton lost the election to Smegley, who became the next sophomore class president. Denton immediately filed the lawsuit, hoping recent campaign finance reform laws would apply.

Filed in the Knox County court system, judges ruled in favor of Smegley. Denton’s attorneys, Bigby, Higby, and Rigby, filed an appeal with the Tennessee Supreme Court but it was denied. The one-sentence unanimous denial from the Supreme Court stated “We agree with the lower court that campaign finance reform does not affect high school class officer elections.”

Denton, commenting on the ruling, said, “I was a little upset at the ruling at first, but my best friend, Bobby Daley, who just moved here from Chicago, is helping me plan for next year. We’re trying to change the rules so that students who are suspended or who are expelled can vote. We’re also trying to excite our base. We opted against recounts, because the vote was 15-254 in Merv’s favor, and that’s counting the ROTC absentee ballots and all the minority votes.”

Smegley’s spokesperson, known only as Slick, said that Smegley is very happy with the outcome. “Art is kind of a weirdo. He never had a chance anyway. But we are happy he’s finally going to get over it.”

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