Friday night saw a freeze flash mob on Market Square in downtown Knoxville. Precisely at 8 p.m. participants froze in their steps for five minutes. Several elderly participants, citing a desire to “be a part of the human furniture that was laid out about the beauty of humanity,” unfortunately could not straighten up from the classic  mime “sitting in a chair” position and remain on the Square as of Saturday. However, in a positive turn of events, transient homeless people have discovered the arthritic seniors and are enjoying both the soft seating and chatty chairs. “No other city I’ve been through rolls out the red carpet for the homeless like Knoxville,” said Shoeless Joe. “I’ll never leave!”

In related news, Guido Ciccone was arrested for public indecency after flashing a group of young children playing in the Market Square fountains. A New Jersey native, Ciccone was quoted as saying, “these hillbillies have disgraced flashing and don’t even get me started on how they totally don’t understand the mob.”