Fulmer taps Rumsfeld as new Secretary of Defensive Coordination

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After years of defending his defensive coordinator, Coach Phillip Fulmer has announced the resignation of Johnny Chavis. To fill this position, Fulmer tapped the newly unemployed Donald Rumsfeld to become the new Secretary of Defensive Coordination.

Although Chavis has been effective since accepting the position of defensive coordinator in 1995, Fulmer feels that change was warranted. “Putting someone like Rumsfeld in charge of the defensive line will certainly make a statement to other college teams. He doesn’t know much about football, but we certainly need someone like him on our side,” said Fulmer.

According to Rumsfeld, “One of our first moves will be to stage a surprise night attack on one of the SEC teams that defeated UT in 2006, establishing the fact that we are serious about winning a bowl game this year.”