TENNESSEE (KP) – An exotic landscaper who decorated her home with skulls and a severed hand has been arrested and charged with improper disposition of human remains, authorities said.

Police responding to a report of a suicidal person at the home of the 17-year-old North Knoxville landscaper (name withheld) discovered a large, crudely severed human hand in a mason jar of formaldehyde on the dresser of her basement bedroom, according to the police report.

Found outside her home, honing her nude landscaping craft and quietly trimming a bush, the suspect was taken into custody without putting up a fight.

The owner of the missing hand was easily tracked down from the return address on a series of love-letters found in the dresser. The letters tell an all too common story of unrequited love. The last was simple and short, “I pomi I lu, ill no lik nyon onl u.” It is believed that this was a crime of passion and other nude landscapers in the region are perfectly safe and reliable.