Now that we live out where Turkey Creek is actually convenient, we were delighted when plans got underway for a new Regal Cinema. Every Sunday morning as we did our Patriotic Duty© and shopped for groceries at the Wal-Mart Super Center (so sue me, they’re cheaper and have a better selection than anybody else, dang it!), we watched progress on the large theater as it was assembled. When workers began applying South Florida Stucco-looking stuff to the side of the building, we began to worry. Then they began painting it these horrible South Florida colors (only horrible when applied in East Tennessee), and a giant, pink building with brightly colored stripes began to emerge. I thought back to the early plans, when the theater was going to be Egyptian-Themed, which, whatever that meant, it wasn’t going to be pink.

When they finally finished it, we hopped on an opportunity for a pre-opening event. We mingled out in the lobby with a zillion other yuppie types sipping wine and munching finger foods, while watching a chocolate waterfall. We were provided with free softdrinks, which to our delight included slushies. After listening to a presentation, we were rewarded the opportunity to see a movie of our choice, free. So we saw Land of the Dead rather than follow everyone else to Bewitched.

At this point, it would be a good idea to describe the non-theater aspects of the theater. First, the bathrooms. As Brehd came trotting back from his first trip to the theater restroom, he begged me to try it out. Thinking this odd, I had to comply. Yes, the restrooms were nice. Clean. But what were those large hand dryers? After pushing the button and having my hands blown into the floor, I had finally discovered hand dryers that actually worked. You could take those things off the walls and use them as leaf blowers. Those alone are worth the trip to this theater.

I don’t think I’ve bought tickets from the counter outside before, as there are at least three ATM style ticket-dispensing machines that allow you to quickly purchase tickets while bypassing the line.

Next, the outside decor continues to the inside. The lobby is vast, and well-lit. The food counter is also large and very well staffed. Buying cola slushies is a lot less pleasant than getting them free.

The staff is very pleasant and friendly. You are greeted coming out by the cleaning crew, who instead of giving you “Get the Hell out of here so we can clean” looks, actually smile and thank you for coming.

Inside the theater you’ll find nice, plush, almost automotive-like seats with plenty of leg room. The seats recline, but only in two instances. First, if you plant your feet on the floor and push back with all your might, they’ll recline. Next, when you are in the midst of a movie and sombody in the row behind you decides to get up and walk out, they’ll grab your chair to pull them along, thereby suddenly jerking you backwards when you least expected it.

The sound system is what you’d expect: loud and all around.

Since this theater opened, we’ve only been to another theater one other time, and that was to a free preview of Deuce Bigalow 2 at Wynnsong. They show every new movie that comes out there, or at least the ones we’ve wanted to see, so it’s hard to justify going elsewhere.