Lenoir City plans for growth


Lenoir City, currently the largest of the small towns in Loudon County, is initiating a plan for even more growth in the future. According to Lenoir City mayor, Matt Brookshire, the plan has been in place for several years. He was simply waiting for some of it to take effect before revealing the city’s part in it.

Said Brookshire, “Yes, a few years ago the city political leaders began encouraging local businesses to hire more migrant workers. This provides us a huge step towards big city status by giving the local natives a culture to despise. It also provides the left-wing lunatics someone to pretend to care for, and look after.”

The latest political win for the growth initiative is a liquor-by-the-drink vote, which went to the positive side. A citizen interviewed at Arby’s said, “Now we can get some of the really fine restaurants, like Red Lobster and Hooters.”

According to Mayor Brookshire, the next step in the process will be to hit downtown Knoxville to encourage some of the homeless there to relocate to prime real estate near the Fort Loudoun Dam.

“Our real goal is to be able to compete with Knoxville within twenty years,” said Brookshire. “Someday we hope to have traffic snarls both on I-75 and downtown. If we can get traffic to back up here, it will be absolute hell at the 40-75 split. Also, we already have architects in place designing a building that will be better than 15 stories. Our current record is four.”

Smiling contentedly, the mayor said, “We’re building the future, here. Someday the word ‘City’ on our title won’t be a joke.”