Man joins Bally’s Total Fitness center, fails to attract women


Stu Reynolds is displeased. He recently joined Bally’s Total Fitness center with hopes of bettering his life. Or in general terms, to pick up women.

“The ads are very misleading.” explains Stu. “The commercials show women on all sorts of exercise equipment. They smile and look towards the television screen. They simply look friendly and approachable. So far I haven’t seen one smiling, pretty face in the building. They are all exhausted and just don’t look that good. They come into the gym without even fixing their hair and makeup…and after just a few minutes on the treadmill are all pink in the face and sweaty. It just isn’t the way the commercials show it.”

According to Bally’s Total Fitness center, the problem is that they only operate one fitness center in Knoxville. “In larger markets we are able to urge the homelier females to exercise in the lower traffic facilities, that way they don’t drag down the image of our flagship locations.”

This explanation hasn’t appeased Mr. Reynolds. “I’m now stuck in a 36-month contract, I figured that would be an easy way to arrange at least 36 dates…but I haven’t seen one person I would go out with. So far, Bally’s hasn’t offered to let me out of the contract but have advised me to visit at noon and catch the ladies coming in from the office…I hope it works out. If not I’ll just have to lower my standards.”