Refinery outages along the Gulf coast in the wake of Hurricane Gustav have caused problems at several refineries. Misinterpreting this to include sugar refineries, thousands of baking and snacking enthusiasts have descended upon the grocery stores.

“Knoxville has been out of marshmallow creme for days, and that’s just the start of it. We’ve been buying Twinkies and Moon Pies on the black market just to keep the shelves from being completely bare. We’re not even sure of the product quality, see how this package says ‘Tinkies’ right here on the side,” said a Food Lion grocery store clerk that wished to remain anonymous.