North Knoxville admits to nuclear weapons program

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North Knoxville has admitted to a nuclear weapons program after independent inspectors from the Friends United for a Cohesive Knoxville discovered suspicious waste materials in a sinkhole located on a farm off Sevierville Pike in South Knox County. Evidence indicates that a salvage company that dumped debris from the Coster Shop into a South Knoxville sinkhole and other locations has been contracted by North Knoxville to dispose of unwanted nuclear waste materials.

According to North Knoxville representative, Rufus Jong the First, the program was started from necessity and it’s not possible to turn back now without financial support. “Without the funding provided from leasing nuclear weapons to other countries, we simply will not be able to afford restoration and preservation of our dilapidated buildings.”

South Knox Bubba and Jesse Jackson have been asked to mediate discussions between North and South Knoxville. South Knox Bubba has been quoted as saying that “With proper handling, this incident may prove to be less harmful than the 1982 World’s Fair.” We hope he is correct.