Oak Ridge citizens vote for construction of two black holes within the city


On June 5th, by a slim margin, Oak Ridge voters have selected to move forward with the construction of two black holes within the city. The first is to be located atop Pine Ridge, and the second will be hidden near the bottom-line of the city’s budget.

Had the selection not been made to proceed with the black holes, a $65 million dollar shopping center would have been built.

Citizens of Oak Ridge, a group of locals that prefer shopping at Turkey Creek and keeping retail dollars in regions better suited to use them, has expressed a great deal of satisfaction over the voting results. Bill Schramm, the president of Citizens of Oak Ridge, was overheard bragging that the new black holes could potentially keep new residents from moving into the area, and could hopefully absorb any nasty signs of progress.