The East Turtle Baptist Church holds pancake breakfasts each month to raise money for its building fund, mission trips, or other expenditures. Recently, conspiracy theorist Emo Higdon was breakfasting in their dining hall when he became suspicious. “I snuck back there and peeked through the door, and you know what I saw? They were back there fixing frozen, microwavable pancakes. I tell you what, that ain’t right,” he explained. Church spokesperson Mary Jones said that head chef Hazel Bean was out sick, and they had to improvise. “It was either that or French Toast,” she said. Higdon continues his charge of conspiracy. “You just best keep an eye on them. I know I will. Next month I plan to prove their syrup ain’t really maple,” he said.