Preservationist goes insane putting leaves back in trees

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Ernie Roberts, a Fort Sanders resident, has been admitted to Lakeshore Mental Hospital after a particularly harrowing weekend trying to restore the trees in his front yard.

In a heroic effort to restore the foliage to its original summer appearance he devoted the extended holiday break to painting the leaves green and returning them to the trees. The project was proceeding nicely with the first few trees, but problems soon arose.

According to one neighbor, “Reinserting pine needles was just too much. He just wants to preserve the natural beauty of the trees, I’m just sorry it came to this. I’ve heard that he has been using the laboratory in his garage to develop technology to revert the trees back to their absolute original form, the seed from which they grew.”

Ernie was originally expected to be released after a few days of treatment. At the time of writing this article, however, we understand that he has taken to attempting to reverse the progress of other patients by restoring them back to the level of problems they had when entering for treatment.