Sevierville pledges ban on redneck marriages

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As a proposed state constitutional ban on gay marriages picks up speed, a battle with further reaching implications is being fought in Sevierville. Mayor Bryan Atchley is leading the charge to ban redneck marriages. Although it’s clear to many folks that rednecks simply shouldn’t be allowed to wed, the negative impact for the economy of Sevierville is rising to the front of the discussions.

In one way or another, some studies suggest that nearly 85% of the income generated in Sevierville is tied to the union of redneck couples. The taxes generated by wedding chapels alone is rumored to be nearing the equivalent of the annual combined income of all residents of Denmark.

“Although the revenue loss could be very difficult in the initial one to twenty-four years, I firmly believe we can find other things for our ordained residents and chapel managers to do to make money.” says Mayor Atchley. “I’ve been chatting with many of these people, and they are mostly in favor hard times if it will keep people like that from getting married. Reverend Bob, down at the Prettiest Little Big Chapel In Town #14, says that he would be perfectly happy if the government helped him get a GED so that we could work at Walgreen’s. People like this, with a will to survive, can make anything work.”

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