West Knoxville man found glued to rafters

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Late yesterday evening, Martha Bluewhistle arrived home to prepare dinner for her husband, Ed. After the beef had browned in the pan, she realized it was very quiet around the house. She called for her husband but got no answer. She then remembered he was out in the garage working on some new plumbing.

Martha opened the door and called out to her husband. She heard some thumps and a muffled “Honey, is that you?” coming from somewhere. She searched around and discovered her husband was in the attic. She yelled to tell him that supper was almost ready and he replied by saying “Help!”

Concerned, she ascended the ladder to see what was happening. It was her first time in the attic and she was a little nervous. Climbing up onto some stable looking boards, she allowed her eyes to adjust to the dim light. Off in a far corner was her husband stuck to the rafters in what appeared to be an uncomfortable position, dangling just over his new water heater.

She quickly asked, “Honey, what are you doing?” Ed stared blankly for a little bit and responded, “I had an accident with the pipe cement.”

Martha descended the ladder and ran to call for help, as Ed called out after her not to do it. Paramedics arrived shortly and applied a solvent to get him down with minimal skin or rafter damage.

Bernie Packer, the first paramedic on the scene, said “We get this kind of thing all the time. Shadetree remodelers are not as bad as shadetree mechanics, though. Just last week I had to dislodge a guy’s finger from his carburetor. Ed here just ran into some potent PVC glue.”

PVC Cement Apparently while trying to join two pipes together, Ed accidentally stepped on a loose board. The can of cement was on one end of the board, without a lid, and went flying. It hit the roof and dumped all over Ed, who was losing his balance. He grabbed the rafters for support and was immediately bonded due to the purple primer all over his hands. He then attempted to use his feet to push off with, not realizing his shoes were covered in cement as well.

Only suffering from a mild panic attack and slight thirst, Ed recovered quickly and is back on the job. This time he is taking more safety precautions. “I knew better than to leave the cement laying around without the lid on it,” he said. “Now I securely close it after each use. This only set back my project by a few days, because I had to let all the glue dry up there, but now with luck, I’ll get back on schedule, and I should have all the glue peeled off me within a week.”

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