Knoxville mayoral candidate and businessman Bill Haslam had a dream last week that he was a hippy, according to sources. “He woke up in a cold sweat after falling out of the tree on Market Square he was trying to protect,” said the anonymous source. Additionally, he was reported to have preserved a house, created…
Month: October 2003
Early voting sets new record
Early voting in the Knoxville city elections rated the highest turnout ever, according to election officials. Initial reports are that over 37 people voted during the two-week early voting period. “This is great,” explained Knox County administrator of elections Herbert Walker, “we expected only 10-12 people, but apparently many folks are interested in this election,…
Knoxville News-Sentinel prints election results early Dewey Wins!
The Knoxville News-Sentinel, in an effort to beat the Metro Pulse to the presses, has accidentally released the post Mayoral headlines more than 24-hours early. Those gathered at local Pilot and Weigel’s locations for the first edition of the September 29th headlines were greeted with the words, “Dewey Wins!” News-Sentinel reporters admit that the headline…
Still a lot of crime
According to victims, there is still a lot of crime in downtown Knoxville. “Especially after the sun goes down,” adds recent mugging victim Bo Gentry. Downtown activist Holly R. Thanthou disagrees. “There is much less crime downtown than at West Town Mall, the scourge of suburbia,” she exclaimed. Police reports show that the number of…
I-40 may be rerouted
With pressure from nagging downtown activists, the Knoxville Regional Transportation Planning Organization passed a resolution asking state officials to consider rerouting I-40 through Kentucky. “At first we thought shifting traffic out of the downtown area and onto I-640 would be sufficient. But then we realized that was still too close. We feel shifting all traffic…
‘Annex me,’ offers resident
In a noble gesture to take one for the team, Kingston Woods resident Junior Barnes has offered to have his property annexed if it will cause the Mayor to “..leave us the f*** alone.” According to Barnes, his property is worth a lot more than those Mayor Ashe is trying to annex. “I’m sick of…