Month: April 2007

An anonymous member of the Tennessee legislature has leaked a memo that circulated after the budget surplus was discovered. The memo described in detail how the public relations firm, hired to cover the news, planned on helping the legislature come up with ways to make the public think they were getting money back but not…

Last month, Jack Eckelston brought a new franchise to Knoxville called “Carb Neutral.” The concept is loosely based on the “carbon neutral” fad and offers fat people the option to offset their carbohydrate intake by purchasing bran muffins for skinny people. “It is common knowledge that many overweight people do not like health food, and…

In an attempt to seem more human, Hillary Tracker has noticed that the junior senator from Arkansas New York is making an effort to bond with audiences around the country by trying to sound like them. Lately, the press has been reporting that Hillary has adopted a Southern accent in various public speaking engagements. In…

Knox County Schools is considering a drastic measure in response to all the “whining West Knoxville parents who would rather send their kids to an old, run-down school instead of a nice new shiny school that doesn’t have the word ‘Farragut’ written on it.” Since nobody seems to be happy sending their children to a…

In a desperate attempt to become relevant for the 2008 presidential elections, some Republican strategists are scrambling to resurrect important dead historical Republican figures. Among the soon-to-be-living are Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan. “We just can’t get a break,” explained one strategist on condition of anonymity, “the Democrat candidates are hogging all the news stories,…