Month: July 2008

The Health Department announced today that the West Knox Virus has been confirmed in the 37914 area code. Although contained during the past three years, the West Knox Virus has the potential to cause severe turmoil in our region. The disease is spread when sycophants and other West Knox creatures feed on shallow pools of…

Anderson County Commission voted to raid its ‘rainy day’ reserve on July 15. Although the decision was made with good intentions, to avoid raising taxes…readers of the Oak Ridger have pointed out that it did NOT rain on July 15, and that it was, in fact, sunny. Whether or not this means that Anderson County…

Capitalizing on the continued popularity of the High School Musical movies, the 4th in the series is to begin filming this Fall, even before High School Musical 3 is released. High School Musical 4, the Magnet School Adventure is to film at Vine Magnet School in Knoxville. Although the script is a closely guarded secret,…

The pastor of a West Knoxville church that handles Kentuckians in religious rites was among 7 people arrested by officers in a crackdown on stupid rednecks. Handling Kentuckians is practiced by a small number of people in the United States, the type that think Britney Spears is hot and that Jesco White will still have…

Here’s to 50 more years, thanks for the laughs so far. Knoxville News Sentinel.

The Oak Ridge Observer announced today that they’ve finally observed all that they can stand. A branding campaign is underway to better associate with readers, and a new name is in the wings. Soon to be known as the Oak Ridge Disregarder, the focus will be more attuned with the aptitudes and actions of those…

Seriously, Knox County Mayor Mike Ragsdale is the speaker for the Farragut / West Knox Chamber of Commerce breakfast on July 15. Registration is available at $25-$35 per guest. Maybe they just booked him a long time ago and can’t find a way out of it…

After being cleared of illegal activity, Mayor Ragsdale is ready to move forward and cure the woes of Knox County. In order to update his image, a public relations firm has been hired to create a new slogan and logo to represent his efforts. Word is that he will drop his title and name, and…

Not everyone was thrilled to see Fulmer’s and Pearl’s raises lift them to a combined $4 million. UT President John Peterson was quickly able to put things into context, hoping to quiet the negativity about the University’s decision. According to Peterson, the high pay scales are necessary in order to make make sure the University…

After much speculation as to how to address the Downtown Knoxville homeless problems, a catch-and-release plan has been introduced that will allow other areas of the region to share the problem. According to a release from the Office of the Mayor, non-caucasian homeless individuals will be tagged and redistributed to South Knoxville where they will…

Daniel Lasris attempted to break the Guiness Word Record for body painting today, and set a completely different record. The goal was to bring in 950 people to be painted to make an American Flag. Participation, however, provided less than 50 bodies, not even enough to represent the stars in the flag. Missing his goals…