A recent survey conducted by well-meaning citizens, hoping to provide a small amount of guidance to media outlets, has provided some insight into items the general public simply doesn’t care about. Among the items least interesting to Knoxvillians: Anything on the Heartland Series The status of Ellen Turner’s home (they’re glad it’s renovated, but apparently…
Month: June 2011
Art displays through Knoxville exposed as laziness by Waste Connections of Tennessee
Many of you may have noticed various pieces of metal on the streets of downtown Knoxville over the past months. Many residents, starved for big-city living have embraced these items as ‘art,’ even drawing attention to them. Waste Connections of Tennessee has admitted today that these are nothing more than piles of garbage that the…
Pellissippi State replaces popular balloon festival with CowChip Bingo
Pellissippi State Community College has announced that they’re canceling the annual balloon festival. According to President Allen Edwards, it was simply too successful, leading to traffic jams and large masses of people. “In order to cut back on the popularity of the event, we’re replacing it with CowChip Bingo,” says Edwards. “We’re hoping that a…
Bonnaroo 2012 in danger as moonbats learn about MP3’s and CDs
As the 80,000+ Bonnaroo attendees wandered about in the heat and stench of one-another, awaiting music, one of the bands made an announcement that has already caused quite a ruckus. “This is off our last CD,” stated the lead member of Vermicular Doggie. And the mud pit went silent, as knowledge crept through the crowd. Within…
Market Square Farmer’s Market to start selling German sprouts
Calling them “the Fugu of the vegetable world,” Market Square Farmer’s Market vendor Steve Egwhyte plans to start selling imported German sprouts this weekend. “Vegetarians like to live dangerously too,” Egwhyte explained, “sushi eaters shouldn’t be the only ones facing a culinary challenge like this.” He puts the odds of death from eating the sprouts…
Knoxville City Council members may have sent lewd photos, nobody cares
In the shadow of negative attention drawn to Rep. Anthony Weiner due to sharing suggestive photos with several individuals, it appears that several Knoxville City Council members may have sent similar messages. After polling those in contact with City Council members, however, we have learned that nobody would have looked at the images anyway, making…
Previous Mayoral and Senatorial candidate considers dropping life of sending electronic newsletters to become UT Athletics Director
In yet another surprise career move, a previous local Mayoral…then Senatorial candidate…then electronic newsletter guru, has decided to shift career directions yet again, announcing that she’d like to serve as the University of Tennessee Athletics Director. “I moved from the Mayoral to the Senatorial race because of my goal of focusing on education,” she said….
Previous Mayoral candidate considers dropping Senate run to focus on sending electronic newsletters
Unsure of what she really wants to do, sources say that a recent Mayoral candidate that has been making a run for an open Senate seat may have found her calling in life. According to those close to her, sending electronic newsletters has become her passion. “She likes that you can send them every day,…