Well, it looks like the media-generating mouth of Kiffin is much quieter if he doesn’t have a scripted response written by someone else (like, say his Twitter feed, that is still handled inappropriately). When confronted by Spurrier today, Kiffin “…clearly embarrassed, mumbled something inaudible.” You go boy!
Author: Brehd Patchley
Local introverts announce formation of Knoxville Anti-Social Media Association
According to Brehd, “Despite everyone’s incessant urge to be social, we’ve decided not to hold meetings on the first and third Thursday of each month at Prince Deli. If nobody shows up for these, we may not hold morning meetings at Starbucks as well.”
Ragsdale pitches pork bellies as new global currency
Knox County Mayor Mike Ragsdale on Tuesday morning proposed replacing the US dollar as the international reserve currency with something available around most of the globe, pork bellies. In an essay posted on the Knox County Government web site, Ragsdale said the goal would be to create a reserve currency “that is disconnected from individual…
Phillip Fulmer declines position with University of Tennessee
Fulmer announced today that he will not be accepting an offer from the University of Tennessee to take a 90-day appointment as a special assistant to President John Petersen. According to an undisclosed source, the decision was based on a simple mix-up regarding salary. “It appears that he misunderstood the salary offer, thinking the 12.5/month…
FDIC to back IOU’s
In response to the continued economic uncertainty and bleak outlook of consumers, the FDIC’s Board of Directors has voluntarily offered to approved IOU’s written “in good faith while sober, as long as they are not offered in exchange of sexual favors.” According to the General Counsel’s opinion, this should allow those without cash or credit…
David Keith spotted at Cedar Bluff exit acting for spare change
Shortly after David Keith announced that he is suing people because he no longer has a career, he was spotted at the Cedar Bluff exit offering to act for spare change. Although this will likely pay better than his current career, it could prove to be a very humbling experience as few people have actually…
UT Football satire
I tried to come up with something to make fun of UT Football, but Fulmer beat me to it with the Homecoming game.
Knoxville News Sentinel exits content business, moves focus to pretty online ads
The Knoxville News Sentinel has announced that they are no longer in the business of providing content, and have let go of 13 members of the news staff. As more readers move from the printed paper to the online edition, this is described as a natural transition. According to the Sentinel, original content from reporters…
Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries jumps into election promotions
Starbucks and Krispy Kreme recently made announcements to lure in voters, each are giving away free product to all those that step up and vote in the 2008 Presidential Election. Making a similar announcement, Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries today announced that they will provide a second bowl of soup to any homeless individual that votes…
Obama finds key to winning Tennessee voters
Coming down to the wire for election day, Barack Obama has found a way to lure undecided Tennessee voters. “I’ve promised to fix everything else in the world, so I promise to also fix the University of Tennessee football program. We’ll create a system the equally redistributes the talented players and coaches throughout the SEC,…
Skeptical potential voters abducted by Obama camp
After successfully kicking skeptical reporters off the Obama campaign plane, the Obama campaign has decided to remove skeptical voters from the equation throughout the heavily contested battleground states. Reports first came from Ohio as a series of vans circled shopping centers and abducted anyone not wearing an Obama pin or sporting an Obama decal on…
TVA board votes to provide energy by burning the elderly
On the heels of voting to increase the CEO’s base salary by nearly half a million dollars, the TVA board quickly noticed that recent rate increases will not completely cover the increased salary. As a stopgap to prevent the bleeding of cash, they voted in an emergency plan that calls for burning the elderly to…
Lenoir City Twitterer realizes nobody really cares what he’s up to
A bit disillusioned, Scott Gordy recently cancelled his Twitter account after only two months of use. “It sounded so cool when other people talked about it, but then almost nobody followed me. Then I realized just how little folks cared about what I was up to. Posting messages about when I ate lunch and what…
Pilot announces what they’re doing with all that extra money
Pilot today announced that quarterly gougings earnings exceeded expectations, allowing them to buy out Marathon and acquire a 47.5 percent interest in Pilot Travel Centers. Although it is unknown what impact this will have on gas prices, ICEE prices are expected to double overnight.
House votes to direct bailout monies where they can do the most good
After intense debate, a bipartisan effort has moved forward in the House to utilize bailout monies where they can have the most impact. Rather than waste energies on bad loans, an untold some has been directed to bailing UT Athletics out of its current coaching situation. By paying off Phil Fulmer, it’s expected that UT…