Tennessee students should fare much better in the future, in regards to standardized testing. With the recent release of national ACT results, Tennessee school officials are dumping the ACT’s. The ACT’s will soon be replaced with the A’s. Testing officials say this alone should help, “…because learning all three letters in the test name was…
Category: News
News and abuse
TLC cancels Kate + 8, replaces it with Hillbilly Toe Fishing
TLC has cancelled the once popular Kate + 8 this season due to lack of viewers. TLC is replacing the show with Hillbilly Toe Fishing. Hillbilly Toe Fishing, similar to the already popular Hillbilly Hand Fishing, is a show based out of Knoxville, TN, where the host shows tourists how to ‘noodle’, fish for catfish…
As U.S. cities adapt to climate change, residents selected for North Knoxville dome city
Cities across the United States are making plans for adapting to climate change. At the forefront of plans, the City of Knoxville has announced plans for a dome that will cover Historic Old North Knoxville. The placement of the dome was selected due to the historic nature of the structures in the region. The biggest…
University of Tennessee researchers launch study to find out “WTF is wrong with nearly 40% of population?”
The latest Gallup tracking poll has shown President Obama’s ratings to be just under 40% approval. These numbers, although depressing to the President, has some researchers asking, “Just WTF is wrong with 40% of the population?” One group of researchers at UT is taking up this question, and hopes to find out just what folks…
Michelle Obama applauds McDonalds for changes in kid’s menu
Obama congratulates the national chain on adding apples to it’s kid’s meals. This is a positive step towards solving childhood obesity. The next step, according to Obama, is to ban restaurants that don’t follow McDonald’s lead. “Clearly, the only thing that can solve obesity is regulation,” states Obama. “By closing restaurants that allow parents to…
Green Acres Flea Market learns from Turkey Creek Public Market
Green Acres Flea Market has announced that they will no longer be described as a ‘Flea Market.’ “Our vendors have struggled over the last few months,” says the owner. “Then, along comes the Turkey Creek Public Market, and people flock to it. It’s crap in a barn, just like we have. Therefore, we’re changing our…
Palin announces visit to Tennessee Valley Fair, replaces Boyz II Men
With a better-than-expected reception at the Iowa State Fair, Sarah Palin has announced plans to visit fairs across the United States as the summer winds down. Palin denied speculation that the state fair tour was a precursor to a Presidential campaign, “That’s ridiculous,” Palin said. “I just like it when all the farm animals lick…
Dooley moves remaining Vols pre-season practices to Xbox
According to a statement prepared by the University of Tennessee Athletics Department, “Dooley feels the team isn’t ready for too much exercise, and it’s really been hot outside. The video game should greatly improve the player’s hand-eye coordination, as well as help them learn simple plays. Also, have you seen the graphics on the new…
Oak Ridge to add Senior driving lanes
The City of Oak Ridge has announced plans for Senior driving lanes, in an attempt to move traffic more briskly through town. “The problem is that the senior drivers tend to drive 10-15 miles per hour under the set speed limit,” states an unnamed City official. “This prevents visitors from driving quickly enough to get…
Flea Fancy magazine ranks Knoxville most flea friendly city in Southeast
Flea Fancy magazine ranks Knoxville most flea friendly city in Southeast. According to a release, the magazine, cites the fact that Knoxville is so darn dog friendly. The city has a multitude of activities and organizations that are tailored to providing fleas with a buffet of choices. Specifically, the magazine cites the fact that Knoxville…
World’s Fair Park geysers rebranded as ‘World’s Largest Bidet’ to spur tourism
In order to boost tourism revenues, World’s Fair Park will be rebranding the popular geysers as the ‘World’s Largest Bidet.’ Although the attraction will still be open to the general public, the health department is urging that those that still wish to let children play in the water limit exposure to 15-minute increments.
City tackles growing rat problem with help from KARM
Rat infestation is a problem in every city, and has become increasingly apparent in Knoxville. As a way to combat the problem, the City of Knoxville has developed a new publication, ‘100 Ways to Eat a Rat,’ which is being dispersed solely at Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries. KARM will, in turn, provide .10 for each…
“Rent Is Too Damn High” guy wins Knoxville mayoral debate
After relocating to Knoxville from New York, reportedly due to the rent being too damn high, former New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan decided late Thursday to run for mayor of Knoxville. “I heard about the debate, and decided I’d throw in my voice,” he explained. “There are lots of things in Knoxville that are…
Walmart launches ‘Walk of Shame’ line of clothing
Inspired by the success of their Miley Cyrus line of clothing, Walmart is launching a new ‘Walk of Shame’ line. A spokesperson for Walmart states that “….the line is basically an extension of the Miley Cyrus line, as her fans have reached a nicely promiscuous age. Studies have shown that 80% of the clothing purchases…
Oak Ridge leads the way by eliminating all postal deliveries
Based on a projected $8.3 billion loss this year, the postal service is scrambling to make up the lost funds. The Postmaster General has suggested cutting Saturday deliveries, bringing the delivery week to 5 days. The Oak Ridge Postal service has come up with a much more dramatic plan to cut costs. Starting September 1,…