President Shumaker has been in the press repeatedly over the past months for various alleged indiscretions…all of which center around exorbitant spending habits. These allegations are casting a poor light on the University as a whole and it was decided by the Board of Trustees that some changes must be made.
UT will soon install a complex system of invisible fencing and integrated shock collars in an attempt to maintain some control over President Shumaker’s expenses. In theory, the new system will be used to keep Shumaker from wandering off from his office and spending money.
One of the amazing features of the new invisible fencing system is that it will also work from the sky, this is where a great deal of the savings will be realized. A severe electrical charge will be transmitted to Shumaker each time his plane travels off path towards Birmingham, China, Japan, or other areas that he has no particular reason to visit.
If the new system works it has been predicted that President Shumaker will save enough time in his schedule by not wasting money that he may find the opportunity to begin working towards producing deliverables for the University of Tennessee.