The Campbell Soup Company, a division of Franco-American, unveiled a new variety of its popular Spaghettios brand canned circular pasta in red sauce. The variety, named SpaghettiVols, will be available in finer grocery stores everywhere next month. In addition to the popular O-shaped bits of pasta, the SpaghettiVols will contain football shaped pastas, and a…
Month: November 2002
TDOT admits that it has been working without official plans since 1989
Knoxville streets have been littered by construction workers and orange barrels for several years. The more savvy drivers have recently put 2 and 2 together, forcing the Tennessee Department of Transportation to make an alarming announcement. It appears that a master plan created in 1988 outlining construction needs was lost early during the 1989 calendar…
Moose numbers on rise in East Tennessee
Many moose are becoming more and more frustrated with long cold winters presented to them in the northern areas of the continent. They are attracted to the mild southern climates, in areas where there are still mountain ranges, snowfall, and joggers to maul, but also milder winters, daily sunset and sunrise, and summer days. East…
UFO sightings on the rise in West Knoxville
UFO sightings have been reported throughout West Knoxville in alarming numbers throughout 2002. The past month has brought an even more dramatic increase, with as many as 10 sightings being reported weekly (nearly twice the number of sightings typically reported in all of Knoxville). The exact cause for the increased traffic over the skies of…
Jimmy Hoffa’s remains found in Knoxville Museum of Art
Mark Friedlander earned a place in history while visiting the Knoxville Museum of Art (KMA) to take advantage of the new ‘Knox County Days’ offer (a new pricing strategy created to punish museum attendees that live outside of Knox County). It appears that Mr. Friedlander was the first visitor in quite some time to actually…
Al Gore crashes on Ebenezer
Al Gore was driving his ’86 Ford Escort down Ebenezer Road late yesterday afternoon when he veered suddenly off the road and ran onto a golf course. He was on his way to the Gettysvue Country Club to attend a $10-a-plate Democrat fundraiser in his honor. “We suspect speed wasn’t an issue,” stated KCSD Officer…
Restroom signs disappear around Knoxville
The signs to all restrooms in Knoxville have mysteriously disappeared causing confusion and discomfort throughout the city. Finger pointing and leg-crossing run rampant. No direct evidence has been found linking any one person or group to this crime but 2003 mayoral candidate Space Ghost claims to know what happened. “It’s clear what’s happening here, public…
Cost-cutting efforts enacted at Powell post office, Pigeons reinstated
The U.S. Postal Service has been losing the battle for market share with e-mail, Federal Express, and United Parcel Service for years. As expenses have increased income has not kept pace. As an experiment in providing new and innovative services at a low cost the Powell post office has begun training pigeons to replace standard…