Month: June 2003

Your two friendly reporters/writers here at Knoxpatch.com receive constant requests for advice. Questions are sometimes as simple as “Why did they make a prequel to Dumb and Dumber?” to more complex issues such as “I’m relocating my family to Knoxville, could you tell me a few of your favorite areas to live and a little…

Rumor has it that Moxley Carmichael, East Tennessee’s premier public and media relations firm, has been hired by the WHO to put a positive spin on the SARS epidemic. With hundreds of firms competing for the contract this is a major coup for the Knoxville-based firm. Representatives from within the company seem excited at the…

People from all over East Tennessee are once again joining together in support of a culture they having nothing in common with for the greater good. In response to the recent destruction of a fire engine during the military action in Baghdad a group of Knoxville’s most prominent citizens have started a grassroots effort to…

Although the lottery has not yet become official in Tennessee, Mark Hanson has proclaimed himself the first lucky winner. “I’ve been saving for this opportunity for 20 years! Saving every penny for the day that the God-given right to buy lottery tickets is realized in Tennessee. When the time comes, I’ll be able to buy…

In the past several years, the State of Tennessee has gotten home schooling parents up in arms over what the home educators perceive to be unfair treatment of their charges. One mother – who asked to remain anonymous – listed the following proposed inequities: Requiring home schooled children to score higher on SATs than public…

Lenoir City, currently the largest of the small towns in Loudon County, is initiating a plan for even more growth in the future. According to Lenoir City mayor, Matt Brookshire, the plan has been in place for several years. He was simply waiting for some of it to take effect before revealing the city’s part…

Missy Cooley, a business owner and popular local by any standard, has been replaced by a giant package of Bounty paper towels. Cooley is co-owner of the Mulberry Street Barber Shop in Loudon, and “the girl in the middle.” She is normally flanked by her business partner, Rex Mingie, and his younger brother, Nick. Unfortunately…

Due to the common link between witches and brooms, the Union County school system has taken all brooms away from the cleaning staff. According to school officials, other cleaning items were initially considered, but had various drawbacks. Dustbusters, for example, gave the appearance of a New-Age Pagan, making the dirt disappear as if by “magic”…

For years, at the start of summer, Knoxvillians have looked forward to the Bush Beans Bean Dip. Held on the water front in downtown Knoxville, Bush Beans prepares a giant vat of baked beans complete with diving board. Fans of baked beans can dive into the vat and swim in their favorite summer side dish….

Since November 2nd, 1999 the fine city of Knoxpatch has been served by an information/idea exchange by the name of K2K. In less than three short years, K2K has grown to 879 members and has an archive of over 34000 messages. So what. K2K, standing for Knoxville in the 21st century was designed as a…

Could this be the invention that changes the world? It hasn’t been long since many speculated that Dean Kamen was going to revolutionize transportation. His latest invention, the Segway Human Transporter. One local inventor, Scott Bird, has been rather vocal about the fact that a small, slow, and expensive scooter is not the way to…

Astrophysicists working at the University of Tennessee’s Space Institute in Tullahoma, TN, have discovered a small solar system orbiting the Sunsphere in downtown Knoxville. This photo, taken at night, shows four planets orbiting the Sunsphere. At first, the phenomenon was dismissed as being swamp gas or fireflies, but persistant janitor Herbie Bunker kept reporting the…

As fast food restaurants struggle to maintain market share, traditional sit-down restaurants are also gearing up for a major battle to hold customers. Cracker Barrel has long been as well known for a line of country stores as they have been for various fried cholesterol dishes. New and interesting offerings within the country stores is…

Knoxpatch.com’s team of scambusters are continuously seeking out consumers who have been taken in by some off-the-wall scam. Today’s story features Knoxville native Tony Ortavio. Tony is an out-of-luck, unemployed dock worker who has been feeling lonely lately. “If it wasn’t for disappointment, I wouldn’t have any appointment,” he explained. Late last year, Tony decided…

This model shows how the heliportmight look. Upon the creation of a downtown heliport, more federal dollars will be released to the city of Knoxville. This is exactly what the mayor’s office has discovered and exactly what they intend to do. The $400 million facility will be 20% subsidized under new legislation passed by congress…