Month: August 2003

The City of Knoxville believes it has learned a lesson from the overwhelming success of Smokies Baseball. The small team couldn’t seem to find a niche within the confines of Knoxville but has been consistently breaking records since leaving the confines of the city. Using the Smokies as a template, many of the standard services…

To the surprise of motorists behind her, Mrs. Ola-Mae Fanning stopped at a red light when it turned red, reported witnesses at the scene. Mrs. Fanning brought her 1987 Buick Century Limited Sedan to a complete stop just before the yellow light faded to red at the intersection of Cedar Bluff and Executive Park Drive…

Dr. Shumaker, embattled University of Tennessee President, has issued an apology for all past actions and declares that he doesn’t actually remember anything that has happened since moving to Tennessee. Lawyers for Dr. Shumaker claim that he has been suffering from a rare disorder by the name of stupidous assism which causes certain individuals to…

Joe Binkley was researching University of Tennessee policies as part of his doctoral thesis when he came across a little known school policy. Passed in 1911, the rediscovered policy allows for University presidents to be recalled if the signatures of at least 32 students can be collected and submitted to the school’s Board of Special…

President Shumaker has been in the press repeatedly over the past months for various alleged indiscretions…all of which center around exorbitant spending habits. These allegations are casting a poor light on the University as a whole and it was decided by the Board of Trustees that some changes must be made. UT will soon install…

A passageway to Shangri-la has been discovered in the bathroom of Taco Bell on Cumberland Avenue. It turns out that what appeared as a doorway to a stall in the bathroom was actually a passageway to pure happiness and nirvana. According to the manager on duty it has been years since anyone actually cleaned the…