Day: August 9, 2005

Inspired by recent controversy over the Confederate flag being displayed in public, a grassroots campaign to clean up history is about to get under way in East Tennessee. Ima Khunt, who came up with the idea, explains, “You see, I’m sick and tired of having symbols of past history shoved in my face. You know,…

Due to the success of church groups showing non-offensive Andy Griffith Show reruns to members in order to impart useful moral lessons without causing them to feel uncomfortable, several local church youth groups are pioneering the introduction of He-Man and GI-Joe cartoon reruns. “Yes, they’re violent sometimes, and involve war or fighting,” explained youth leader…

Sad news has broken that a historic building has recently burned. Luckily, it was located in Oak Ridge so further details aren’t worth posting.

After witnessing the success of the News Sentinel’s Women Today Expo, The Katch has announced the upcoming Men Today Expo. Although men rejoiced, the overall public has not received this event with open arms. According to a few random females that have been surveyed for this story, an event for only men is ‘just plain…

Knoxville’s down-on-its-luck Bijou Theater recently began nightly screenings of 1980’s brilliant cinematic masterpiece The Blue Lagoon. With such memorable lines as “What are you looking at?” and “Your muscles,” this love story for all ages starring Brooke Shields and some guy has been drawing crowds of Knoxvillians to the Bijou for the past month. Bijou’s…

Recent studies conducted at the University of Tennessee show that the aged are growing increasingly older. A twelve-year study, funded in part by the makers of Gerber Baby Food, undeniably proves that the U.S. population continues to age daily. Lead researcher, Franklin F. Buttons, says that the compiled reports based on this study will have…

In a move seen as a win for downtown, the American Belchers Association has selected Market Square as the location of its 2006 Festival of the Belches. The festival should attract several hundred participants competing for the titles of Best Overall Belcher, Loudest Belch, Best Echo, Longest Belch, and Ripest Belch. The festival will be…

The Knoxville Chapter of the Fraternal Order of Eagles (FOE) was recently surprised by the receipt of membership applications from an entire cast of Chicken Hawks. Although the Chicken Hawks are clearly not eagles, they claim DNA evidence will show that they are a direct descendant of the esteemed Golden Eagle. The FOE, best known…

Herbie, apparently ashamed of his NASCAR conversion, has vanished. Sometime late last week, Herbie the Lovebug, the famous Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own, unexpectedly went missing from its California garage. Sources close to the car say that it felt shame for its most recent movie, starring Lindsay Lohan, and that any association…

President Bush, on Monday, supposedly signed an energy bill recently passed by Congress after a four-year battle. However, Knoxpatch has learned that Bush secretly replaced the document at the last minute and signed his own energy bill into law. Sources say that little of the original $14.5 billion legislation of the original document is included…