TDOT and Baptist Health System have struck an agreement that will allow Baptist to continue using their new eye-catching billboards reminiscent of directional signs. According to TDOT officials, the biggest problem with the campaign was the language ‘Clogged Arteries?’ “By phrasing this as a question, it implies that the streets may not be clogged. If…
Month: October 2006
Action Sports Media purchases Big Orange Army, plans attack on Florida
Newly appointed General “Wild Bill” Hodge has announced that Action Sports Media has officially purchased the Big Orange Army. “It’s the perfect time for Action Sports Media to enter the fruit wars, now that we have all the spare time from losing the University of Tennessee marketing account” says Hodge, “and we’ll be able catch…
Prominent Knoxvillian receives Tennessee’s first DUI while riding a Segway
A prominent Knoxville man was stopped outside Preservation Pub on Market Square yesterday after multiple complaints that he had run over several peoples’ toes with his Segway. The officer on duty says the offending gentleman was very polite, and seemed to really enjoy seeing women take their shoes off to check for damaged toes while…
Home for vets now open to serve East Tennessee
Top federal, state and local officials were on hand recently for the ribbon cutting of a new $18 million home designed to serve vets in East Tennessee. Although most agree that the facility is needed, arguments have arisen about where the funding should have come from. The federal government has provided about 65 percent of…
Women’s Basketball Hall of Fame hits milestone, greets 50th visitor
The Women’s Basketball Hall of Fame unceremoniously hit a milestone yesterday when an unexpected rush of a single visitor appeared. “Projections had indicated that the 50th visitor would appear sometime near Christmas this year, so we were caught completely off-guard.” stated Robin Hamilton, museum spokesperson. “If this trend holds, we could see a need for…
Harold Ford, Jr. crashes Bar Mitzvah
In an unprecedented move of desperation, Harold Ford, Jr. is taking his message to the people. This time, by interrupting the Bar Mitzvah of a 12-year-old boy in Knoxville. During the service, after complete participation and reading from the Torah, Ford gave a moving account of how growing up in a non-Jewish political family brought…
African American spotted at Knoxville early voting location
The world is watching the Tennessee 2006 elections closely; it’s no secret that a lot is riding on the outcome. But will the voters come out? One sign that change is in the air came when an African American was spotted at one polling place in Downtown Knoxville, with voters citing confusion and excitement regarding…