Good news for people with dependencies

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Tonight, there is good news for Knoxvillians who have drug or alcohol dependencies. Starting next week, a new program called “Free Beer and Drugs For Everyone” kicks off with a drunken loft dance in the Old City. Anyone with a dependency, or anyone who would like free beer or drugs, needs only fill out a quick registration form to receive a card that entitles them to all the free beer and drugs they can handle. Bearers of the cards are not advised to operate heavy machinery, but otherwise there are no stipulations.