Man OD’s on chips and salsa, impairs work


While visiting Cancun’s off Cedar Bluff yesterday, Norm Sanders was delighted to find his usual giant bowl of chips complete with a separate salsa bowl for each person at his table. Elated by the opportunity to engage in double-dipping, he proceeded to empty the first basket of chips before his Speedy Gonzales arrived.

Looking forward to eating from the fresh basket of chips the waitress had just delivered, he proceeded to scarf down his taco, enchilada, and beans before anyone else was even able to apply Cholula hot sauce to their food. Even before the last bite of taco ricocheted off his stomach walls, he was back to crunching away on his chips.

“Man, I sure shouldn’t have dumped all that Cholula sauce into my salsa,” Sanders explained to his boss, John Smiley, later from the corner stall in the corporate rest room. “This is a lot worse than the time I got my Drunken Noodle prepared ‘Thai Hot’ at the Tase of Thai!”

In total, Sanders consumed three baskets of chips, two bottles of Cholula, and two bottles of Cancun’s special brew of salsa. Including his Speedy Gonzales, his stomach just had had too much.

As he stumbled to the car, his dining companions noticed that, despite the heat, the windows were going to be rolled down. “Dang, Norm looked pretty messed up,” said Dotty Pyle, a coworker. “He was weaving, bent over, clutching his stomach. I thought I heard a dry-heave but that might have just been intestinal gurgling. We really needed to drive fast back to the office before something bad happened.”

Just in the nick of time, they pulled into the parking lot and Sanders ran to the restroom, where he stayed for the next three hours. According to early reports from the scene, the company is now out of toilet paper and air freshener, three toilets are clogged, and several projects are behind.

Sanders promised his boss he would work overtime, and then vowed never to eat more than one basket of chips. The human resources department is still determining whether to write him up in his employee file. However, they are pretty sure that the emergency stomach pumping procedure was probably covered by their HMO.