Chuck Morris, President of Board of the Bijou Theatre, has announced plans to bring the theatre to solvency. Aided by the cash influx recently provided by Sam Furrow, the Bijou is being redeveloped as a home for wayward mothers.

The Central Business Improvement District has unveiled new vending machines that will be placed throughout Downtown Knoxville to help with feeding the homeless. These machines, each sponsored by a local restaurant, will allow pedestrians to insert small change and receive various bits of leftovers from the previous day. These leftovers can then be given to…

With no fanfare, and only one simple press release, a new slogan for the City of Knoxville was announced today and is expected to appear on billboards in the near future as part of a $2,200 marketing blitz. The new tagline, created during a four-month series of focus groups is simply “Don’t Go To Chattanooga.”

Much to the surprise of the usual crowd at MacLeod’s Pub, a calm night of enjoying a beer with friends recently turned into much more. Comus, Roman god of mirth and revelry, paid a visit to this local downtown icon. One astonished MacLeod’s regular said that Comus has changed his life forever. “Rather than just…

The Inaugural Knoxville Marathon, presented by Covenant Health, is scheduled for March 20th, 2005. We at Knoxpatch are very excited to see an event of this size coming to our humble city and wanted to update you about what has happened with the event in the past two months. Covenant Health has become the presenting…

Johnny Trepple is a Knoxville native and one serious eBayer. Recently, Trepple sold a set of Flash Gordon Underoos for a record $6. That is $4 more than the last pair, which sold last year for $2. “You hang on to these items because some day they’ll be worth something. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not…

Knoxville car dealership Grayson Subaru sold their first new car to a non-hippy last week. Earl Scroggins is believed to be the first non-hippy ever to buy a Subaru Outback. “I had to ask the service department if putting a ‘W Still the President’ bumper sticker on the car would void the warranty, but they…

To make politics seem a bit more trendy and up to date, the Knox County Government has decided to follow the lead of “The Simpsons” and announce the name of a gay character in the coming weeks. The Knox County PR offices are thrilled with the results. “It seems that everyone has an opinion of…

As a proposed state constitutional ban on gay marriages picks up speed, a battle with further reaching implications is being fought in Sevierville. Mayor Bryan Atchley is leading the charge to ban redneck marriages. Although it’s clear to many folks that rednecks simply shouldn’t be allowed to wed, the negative impact for the economy of…

Sales of sex toys for the holidays are down this year, a trend being reported nationwide. Local Swedish erotica store owner Marshal Matthews said sales in his store, although brisk, are off by about 15% from last Christmas. “I don’t know if people are more satisfied this year, or if that damn moral fiber from…

In a move seen as a victory for historic preservationists, the Smith-Coughlin House was back in one piece early the next morning after it was destroyed. The house, apparently exhibiting a strange survival instinct, rebuilt itself overnight in finer form than when it was torn down. It apparently upgraded itself to include a full Nortel…

Recently, Knoxpatch.com reported on a group of people who have been brainstorming new and unique downtown attractions. We recently discovered that the group has secretly commissioned a giant shoe to be placed in the center of Market Square. The shoe stands 16 feet tall and is 20 feet long. The shoe is due for completion…

In the last few years, there has been a push to develop attraction destinations in downtown Knoxville in an attempt to draw visitors, residents and non-residents alike. So far, all ideas have been stolen from other communities, to include convention centers, movie theaters, bus transit stations, aquariums, planetariums, a rodeo complex, and legalized prostitution. Sick…

A new bed and breakfast will soon open in Knoxville, offering an alternative to the big box hotel chains that have been a blight upon the community. This not-Econo-Lodge is located in an old Victorian Greek Revival Post Modern Arts and Crafts style home in the heart of an old neighborhood teeming with character. The…

An anonymous source within the school board has confirmed that the location for the new West Knoxville high school has been selected. Instead of condemning around 40 acres of prime private real estate off Dutchtown Road, the school will now be located downtown in the old Whittle Communications building. “That building just looks like a…