University of Tennessee lobbies for ‘Big-Orange’ terror alert


Claiming partial ownership of ‘orange’, the University of Tennessee has began lobbying for an adjustment to the color-coded terror-alert system.

The current system is outlined as follows:
Green — Normal. This is the lowest level of threat.
Blue — Guarded. This signifies a continuing general threat of terrorist activity.
Yellow — Serious. Yellow indicates an increased and predictable threat of terrorist activity.
Orange — Critical. This warns that a terrorist threat may be likely.
Red — Severe. Terrorist activity on a specific target may be imminent under this warning.

According to University of Tennessee representatives, the shade of orange that was selected for most charts outlining the plan is an exact match of the ‘Big Orange’ shade that is owned by the university.

It is expected that a minor adjustment to the alert system will be made, preventing the need to scrap the entire program. KnoxPatch sources have revealed the proposed change to be as follows:
Big Orange — Critical Y’All. Something bad could happen really soon so bring the dogs in and tape up yer trailer.

The announcement is expected to be made by both Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge and Attorney General John Ashcroft, with participation from local law enforcement officials.