The threat of fire, smoke, and burning buildings is a cakewalk compared to the latest threat that faces local firefighters. While routinely investigating abandoned buildings for fire hazards, fire fighters encountered a tiny foe – fleas. It was not until they had exited the building that the tiny pests were noticed. “They were all over…
Category: News
News and abuse
Sign of the times, local Merry Maids rebrands as UnMerry Maids
Owners say it’s just a sign of the times, a way to fit the needs of a modern world. The Knoxville franchise of Merry Maids is undergoing a rebranding to a more suitable ‘UnMerry Maids’ philosophy. “It’s pretty simple. In today’s economy, those that can afford help, don’t want to talk to the help,” explains…
UT Knoxville dedicates new College of Pharmacy building
The University of Tennessee dedicated the new College of Pharmacy building, located at 4624 Rutledge Pike today. What was thought to be a Police escort for the UT President who was speaking at the event, was actually a drug bust. Turns out students were selling illegally brewed drugs out of the new building. When interviewed,…
Knoxville women’s group enters 20th century, ponders the 21st
It’s making news that the Knoxville Entrepreneurial Women’s Group is allowing men to attend a special event. Gaining this special attention has led some of the women to realize that segregation may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. According to one of the organization representatives, “We’re going to even consider letting the…
Pigeon Forge going to all outdoor restaurants
Pigeon Forge City Commissioners voted last month to allow beer outside with the proper permits. This marks the first time that beer has been allowed to be served. With this new policy set in place, restaurants are moving to all outdoor seating. “We figure that the profits from the beer sales will make up for…
Knoxville smugglers foiled by Boomsday
A small boat was seen floating down the Tennessee River trying to dock near Calhoun’s on the River, during Boomsday 2011. When the men on the boat saw the crowds that had gathered to watch the fireworks, they immediately tried to go back upstream, tossing packages overboard. It is believed that the men were smuggling…
Local church and Moonshine Distillery team up with the Salvation Army
The most unlikely of trios is teaming up to fight the growing problem of the homeless in the downtown/old city area. “If you have ever walked through the Old City, you have more than likely been stopped and asked for money by a homeless person,” states John Baptist, “And you just know when they say…
Nominations now open – East Tennessee’s Least Relevant
Nominations are now open for something that truly matters. We want to determine what, in Knoxville, truly is irrelevant. East Tennessee’s Best…someone else has that under control. Now’s your chance to be heard, make your nominations today for East Tennessee’s Least Relevant for 2011. Nominations will close on September 16, with an official run-off of…
UT Knoxville to open new ‘Road Kill Cafe’
In contrast to North Texas University’s decision to open a vegan cafeteria, the University of Tennessee, Knoxville campus has opened another non-traditional dining establishment, The Roadkill Cafe. Food service management pointed out that the vegan lifestyle is too expensive for Knoxville. The cafe will feature free roadkill from local highways and byways. By using roadkill,…
‘Wear Orange to Support Pat Summitt’ event causes temporary blindness
What seemed like a good idea, wearing orange to support our iconic women’s basketball coach, took an unexpected turn Friday. As it turns out, the event was too popular and too well-received. When Pat stepped out to be embraced by her loyal fans, she was stricken with temporary blindness due to the overwhelming sea of…
UT Athletic Department News
The assistant secretary to the associate soccer coach tripped over a power cord on her way to the water cooler yesterday afternoon, just as a volcano erupted in Yellowstone and blew the country in half. Witnesses report she stumbled slightly but was able to correct herself, and proceeded to refill her cup with fresh, cool…
Disappointed ‘Mater Mixer’ ticket holders offered chance to attend ‘Beet Blender’
Although the Market Square ‘Mater Mixer’ was cancelled due to alcohol tax violations, Downtown residents need not worry about the lack of ways to get a buzz while using local produce. A replacement event, the ‘Beet Blender’ is to be offered at the Farmers’ Market on August 27. Event organizers noted that the alcohol taxes…
Sevierville PD using a new kind of officer
Due to massive budget cuts, the Sevierville Police Department has layed off more than half their staff. Due to the lack of officers, the Sevierville PD has adopted a new program to keep an eye out on those residents under house arrest. They are using bears. “People are so scared of them, that they stay…
Incivility escalating in workplace
“At first, people were just being mean,” said an unnamed source at local pet care giant, Pet Safe, “Then it really got out of control. People were growling at each other at meetings. I even got bitten by a co-worker just because I brushed him while passing in the hall, a complete accident by the…
Tennessee announces new standardized testing, sponsored by Brawndo – The Thirst Mutilator
Tennessee students should fare much better in the future, in regards to standardized testing. With the recent release of national ACT results, Tennessee school officials are dumping the ACT’s. The ACT’s will soon be replaced with the A’s. Testing officials say this alone should help, “…because learning all three letters in the test name was…